Incite This Riot

The clock ticks

A constant countdown

With my every breath

I can feel it beginning

A tingle in my fingertips

As the adrenaline

Hits my blood

I know what’s coming

I know I am past the point of stopping

This beautiful train wreck

Is happening

I suppose I could avert my gaze

But no

I embrace the danger

I can’t resist

Come to me friend

And incite this riot

Make me feel

And touch and taste

Make me dance like a puppet

Helpless on the stage

Until there is nothing left 

In this vessel

As I pace and move

I forget the clumsy goddess

And become

The human

With more power than the gods

Can even access

Yes 

Give me every second and let me become

The muse 

The creator

The broken 

The beautiful

Tear down this body

Leave me with only the cadence

Only the rhythm 

Alone and yet

Reaching out to brush against…

These questions that exist

Let me be who I am

Until there is nothing left

New Shoes for the Rain God

Staying with friends in California 

I wake up to the mournful howl of a lonely dachshund 

He is the most adorable alarm clock

I thank him as I leave my temporary room

I put on my sparkly new Converse

And head out into the rare Cali rain

On a quest for coffee

I walk much slower than usual

My feet will never easily break in

New shoes

I start to limp slightly

Vaguely wondering if my feet are bleeding again

A stranger stops me

As we part ways she asks me 

If I would like to stand under her umbrella 

At least until the rain let’s up

I smile

I don’t mind the rain

I say as I continue my slow limping pace

It occurs to me that on these walks I take

When it is still dark

Often raining

And my feet hurt greatly

That I don’t complain

Not even in the privacy

Of my own head

When the reason why finally hits me

Everything looks

Just a little more

Sparkly

Like my

New shoes

Returning to my old

Stomping grounds

Has been wonderful

But fraught

With ghosts

I wasn’t expecting to see

But these ghosts

These that come in the form

Of rainfall and

New shoes

These I can dig

These are ghosts of gratefulness

When I was growing up here

I never whined about the rain

I begged for it

When I walked these streets as a child

New shoes

Were such a luxury

That the pain was welcome

These tactile spirits remind me

That even the girl 

Who ran away

Can’t forever forget where

She comes from

And despite the pain

Sometimes…

Sometimes

That is so beautiful

Dear Jack

You words come in whispers

 Rumors from old friends

Years pass

 I still hear your voice in my head

I was once told that 

I love you like a bar of soap

Trying to hold on so much

That you slip away

So I stopped trying so hard

Yet still you faded 

On nights like this

I listen for you

I ponder

I search

I feel…

Erased

Dear Jack,

I miss you.

Dear Jack,

If you’re listening

I’ll still be waiting.

Midnight Honesty

​Last night a friend spoke to me

My secrets

Struggled with the chains of shame

But awkwardly  I explained

He said honesty 

Allowed our  friendship to exist

I couldn’t argue 

So my  story was told

I was shaking as I spoke

He repeated others words

But they were different 

No pointless  platitudes

Not false words 

You’re going to be okay

He eloquently  stated

What’s  the point?

He summed up my fears

With ease

Then dismissed them

Completely

He threw my own words back at me

Don’t  be afraid to show the world who you are

It’s  not as scary as you think it is

Doubt part I I: Revenge

I’ve spent my time as of late

With coffee rings

And craving cigarettes

I had a long conversation last night

With my disappointment and regrets
I felt every cut

And I bled

As my old friends

Created havoc in my head
I loathed myself

Hysteria fell in my tears

I gave up, I gave in

I embraced my fears
But when it all said and done

I had the courage of a gunslinger

Terrified to the marrow 

But on the trigger was my finger

Ready to fire

Ready to fight
Time to put away the doubt

Under lock and key

Time to put on my armor

Time to put my heart on my sleeve
Because I see now

The secret they kept from me

Failure is easy
But now I stand the test

And what’s that they say

The best revenge is successShe was the only who truly burned

Like he dud

She saw was the first female member of Damage inc

She was the first to wear her colors

She was the first to whisper

Leave this broken body behind

Chase this wind without sight

Let these burning stars be your bike

Let that that engjne roar

Let the angels and demons join your sîd3

Let them hear my battle cry

I am my Father’s Daughter

Doubt

False smoke

From electric cigarettes

The last hope

The newest trend

Sweet corruption

My old friend

Melt like a sugar cube 

Of poison on my tongue

Shout my secrets

As I self destruct

In you I will always place my trust
Consume my sin

The past and the toxin

Repeat the apocryphal prayer

And brand my soul unforgiven
You are loyal 

By my side and I have no say

You whisper your prayers

And I am your prey

I mutter, I shriek, 

I call to these four walls,

And in every language I beg
Caress me like a lover

Leave bruises 

Where no one can see

And when our fights

Become fists, and kicks, and injury

We won’t hold back the agony
I will fall into shade too deep

Lost on the path of obscurity

Until I no longer fear your treason

Until I can no longer hear your reason

And the countless cuts, wounds, and lacerations

Upon my psyche

Become only white noise
And the prison you keep me in 

Becomes a choice

She was her Father’s Daughter

She was the only who truly burned

Like he did

She saw was the first female member of Damage inc

She was the first to wear her colors

She was the first to whisper

Leave this broken body behind

Chase this wind without sight

Let these burning stars be your bike

Let that that engjne roar

Let the angels and demons join your sîd3

Let them hear my battle cry

I am my Father’s Daughter

Her Father’s Daughter

She was the only who truly burned

She saw was the first female Damage inc

She was the first to wear her colors

She was the firsr to tell him he could g