My Sister’s House

My sister’s house was a mess last Tuesday
My niece answered the door in her pajamas
I felt loved

Walking into
A place I had been before
Finding the counters cluttered
Knowing that we don’t hide from each other anymore
I can be a mess too

There is such freedom in the permission of vulnerability
There is such care in not looking away

Adoration comes in those times when you allow yourself to love the bleakest parts
Of this condition
That is life and death
And brutally human

Live a little in the messy house
Embrace in sickness and in health
And smile at the girl in her pajamas

Life is lived in quiet moments of humanity

The Failing of Always

There was the smell of sweat on your clothes
The clinking of chains that accompanied your steps

You sat on a throne
Rotting wood and splintering jewels
A ruler
A fallen man

The look in your eyes
Two faded pools
Blue and black
Asked me
Always asked me
If I knew how
To live in this world

You had books of car chases
And street arithmetic
Subtracting yourself
From the demands of a shiny life
Of children’s laughter
And all the other things you feared

And you don’t question things
But you question me
As you closed your eyes
You dashed vulnerability on the rocks
But it survived
It was stronger than you

I wished for you
But the child
The father
The criminal
The broken man

They all answered

I couldn’t find you
In the last days
You couldn’t see me
Through the suffering

And I loved you

I’ll always remember the nickname you gave me