My Threat to Silence

When do I speak?
One more pause in conversation
Where I threaten the silence
One more comfortable sigh
And I’m awash
With words rendered nonsense

So when do I speak?
In those places where we whisper
In the dark
The smell of sleep in my hair

You are like light
I prefer the dim
Enemies as if we don’t fight dirty
And so now
Is this when I speak?

A gasp
And a breath and I know
Catching up to you
Was always worth it

So now in dusty tones
No louder than
The darkening sky
I speak

Come Home

I wish people would forget my name
I need to consign it to oblivion
Another sign
Another piece
Teaching lessons I hope they never have to learn

My name means something
My name is gagged and bound
And as I wake up before dawn

I remember

Why I loathe

I know who I am
My name in quotation marks

In the simplicity of it all
A name is meaningless
It’s just words

What I really want to escape
Is the person I was
What I really want is to find
Who I was

Can I just come home?

Dice

I have spent too much time
In this graveyard
Standing on dust
I wish I could admit that
To even myself
I wish I could erase nurture
And nature
I’m gambling with my life
Watch me throw these dice
Because everyone can see it
Except me
Watch them come up
Snake eyes
Because I damned well
Knew they would
How many of my nine lives
Have I sacrificed?
But
I see my niece’s bright blue eyes
They remind me of my sister
I see a brother who turned into
A friend
And welcoming me into his family
I see my best friends
Listening
I see my beautiful partner
And how he has listened to me
Cry
Too many times
I see them accept me
I see that love me
And maybe…
That allows me to think
For the briefest of moments
That I shine
And the dice roll differently
Weighted in my favor