Switchblade Duality

 

 

Our hearts are beating

Like clocks unwinding

Our minds are dulling

Like blades too often used

The constant commotion of emotion

Leaves us spinning

There is life and death in our words

As we stand upon the precipice of reality

The pain of existence

Making us run

The pain of existence making us stay

We cry out in joy

We cry out in agony

And sometimes staring at the ceiling

We wonder what the point of it all is

Is there truly nobility

Or just a grasping for attention

Is there truly independence

Or just illusion

Is there peace?

Is there chaos?

But one thing I know

Is that we are human

Flawed and aching

We are human

Beautiful and ephemeral

Fleeting

Magical

Measure

Life is like a standardized test

We compare scores

Success or failure

Is determined by a statistic

But we are more than just percentages

Yet we are all terrified

The fear of not being good enough

The pain of seeing others

Do things that we cannot

When did we become

Numbers

I learned long ago

That these standards

Do not apply to me

My definition of success

Has nothing to do with

What someone tells me it should be

Truth is triumph

I am excellent at failing

In that I take pride

I will not fill in the bubbles

I will not drink the kool aid

All I want is a silver moment

Where I am only myself

I have been weighed

I have been measured

I have been found wanting

And I smile

Knowing that

There is no power over me

In that judgment

The Most Obvious Secret I Keep

I’m a catastrophe

Speaking in hyperbole

And worst of all

I want the world to listen to me

Because I can’t be

The only one who can see

I can’t be the only one

With this life sentence

Who has decided they are worthy

Of punishment

Of penance

I’m not the only one

Taking the easy way out

Because I can’t hurt others

But I can hurt myself

Someone once said to me

You wouldn’t recognize it if you saw peace

And I wouldn’t

I know passion

I know impatience

I know rage

And I know the love

That comes with a blank page

But I can’t equate

Living

With serenity

So here is another calamity

A chemical imbalance

A fallacy

Another extreme

That turns into an emergency

I beg for respite

But I will never take it

It will always be the height of ecstasy

Or the depths of despair for me

With bouts of terror in between

And sadly or perhaps not

I doubt I would change it

If I could

Don’t mistake this for unhappiness

Recognize

That it is the comfort

Of a damaged child

Who will never grow up

Letter to my Younger Self

From the beginning

You got miniscule

Amounts

Of the love you needed

So it was no surprise

That that abandonment

Turned into rebellion

Surrounded by sickness

You cried

You screamed

But nothing could kill

 Your compassion

Your empathy

Like that Christmas

When there was no tree

So you hung lights from the walls

You found family where you could

Clinging

Perhaps a little too desperately

To your friends

But somehow you survived

Even when you looked around

And saw everything as dying

Even when the only way

That you knew how

To feel alive

Was to bleed

If I could send this letter

Back in time

I know that

You would not believe a word

Because that life

You lived

 Seemed like

Some merciless eternity

But I am here to tell you kid

We made it

We escaped

We flourished

And best of all

We found our voice

Take comfort kid

We survived

And we never have to go back

To those days

When tears trumped laughter

We are loved

We are lovable

Thank you

I would have never

Become this person

Without you

An Introvert’s Cage

Jack be nimble

Jack be quick

Jack ended up in a strait jacket

This old man he played nine

He played nick knack on my spine

Just stay calm repeat the rhymes

Maybe no one will notice

That I exist

 

Please stop

Making small talk

This city is too big

There are too many

What ifs?

I am surrounded

I must get out

 

I must escape the words

That fall from undead mouths

Before I begin to feel their bite

And I become one of them

 

I must return

To my room

Where my dreams

Protect me

Where my safety

Is solitude

 

 

Why have I always felt

That this world wrong?

Trapped in the cage

That most would call freedom

It may leave me alone, aloof, and estranged

But I would rather be a blank page

Than one filled

With senseless dialogue

 

I long for the twilight

When the sunlight stretches too long

 

 

 

They say that my definition

Of perception

If flawed

I smile and nod

Aware that perception

Is what has lead me here

Constant explaining

People draining

Me of every energy

Until solace is all I seek

 

For this the majority

Think that I am as mad as a hatter

 

Leave me alone in this place of creation

I will emerge upon occasion

But not because I need validation

Not because I have the slightest

Desire to join the human race

Where we all run until

Our deaths

 

 

We all live in prisons

Of our own making

And once created

They are almost impossible to

Escape

 

But maybe it’s the ones

That disobey

That at the end of the say

Sleep soundly