Lighter

Lighter

Your endearing eyes finally fill

With that specific happiness

Even if there is the mistrust of heartbreak

Lurking like a thief.

You leave me disarmed.

So what am I to do?

With all these weapons

I have so carefully collected?

Somehow I have won this war

But there was no last epic battle.

My victory came in whispers.

Gently subtle and misheard at first.

Shall I turn these weapons

Upon my own dark shadows

And present you with their corpses?

Will I shine

With that light in my eyes

And a forgotten smile on my lips?

Shall I never again

Frighten you with unconsciousness?

Can I hold you?

Can I be held?

And drown so deeply

Within your embrace?

Shall I watch your eyes

In ecstasy

And believe that it is not fleeting?

May I taste these words?

All in.

A concept that

My soul has begged for.

Silently screaming

And scraping its knees

For this longing.

So now I stand,

The offering before me.

So utterly welcome.

So very terrifying.

But there has

Never been a time

When I would not jump

For you.

Even when

It left me broken and bleeding.

So now I close my eyes

And leap,

Hoping that I fall into

Your open arms.

And yet this comes

With such strange timing.

For I am deeply distracted.

Loving you has been so practiced

That it is like breathing.

It remains

Even when I am buried

By these chaotic obsessions.

It is a constant.

A belief I never lost my faith in.

Oh my angel,

I’ve never given up on you.

And do you know

That I can listen

To love songs again?

I sleep only because

You are my safety.

You are the warmth

That spreads through

My frozen chest.

Of all the things

I fought so hard for

You are truly worth it.

I will whisper now.

Absolutely willing

But cautious with my heart.

My love

Your touch is

Still my greatest pleasure.

Your eyes

Still reflect my dreams.

Your kiss

Is still a promise.

I am all in

Only one.

Take my unspoken words

And never doubt my devotion.

Darker

Streams

Darker

I am pacing, pacing, pacing.

Retracing footsteps I have walked before.

Why must I be the greatest danger to myself?

Oh my reflection,

You are razors, steel, and dangerous things.

And you have become a frozen creature.

Move, I beg you. Move!

How dare you stay trapped by your own devices.

How dare you drop and ignore your own talents.

How dare you tarnish when you know you may shine.

Why do you sleep when the waking world is no longer a danger?

To sleep to dream even as your dreams are coming true.

How I hate you, only to love you.

Is it comfort or punishment that you deserve?

Oh my frightening hands,

Empty,

But only imaginary.

Filled with the intangible.

Potential. Love.

Do not forget that you were meant to fight.

To do battle with your words.

They are your greatest asset.

So why do you stay so still?

Damn you, it is only a first step.

One stumbling foot in front of the other.

Why do you hide when you know you are best exposed?

You are trapped in the snarling jaws of fear.

Ruminating.

Stagnating.

But why?

Can you change the past?

Alter time and never lose control?

Inward you scream,

Leave me alone. Leave me alone!

Yet outside you strive for a condition

So contradictory of what you have become.

After all,

Who are you if not that filthy word?

In all your passionate refusals

That you are not the victim,

You have become the prey.

Who are you if not the disease?

You thought you knew

But now that thought tears

A cynical laugh from your throat.

It is everything you want that leaves you terrified.

It is that which lets you heal what freezes you in place.

The intellectual.

The reason addict.

Yet in your shade of grey

You are irrational.

To see others as puzzles,

Only to refuse to turn

Those intuitive eyes upon yourself.

Hypocrite.

Exhausted.

Weary.

But why?

You dodge the answer deftly.

Even now your breath catches.

Do not speak of it.

Let not the whispers be answered.

Just destroy yourself in the silence.

If there is always a choice,

Why is this what you choose?