Anxiety


Anxiety

scarything

There is fear inside of me

The monsters under my bed

Are reality

They are not tangible creatures

They are memories

But make no mistake

They still have the sharpest teeth

I feel sick

When the walls began to speak

I hide from the light

And loathe myself for being weak

Worthless

Used

Broken

The only courage I have is thrust upon me

To defend those I love

Inspires endless bravery

Because somehow I broke that cycle

I will not let someone be hurt like I was

But the devil on my shoulder

Says it will never be enough

And the angel fell silent long ago

I am the patron saint of lost causes

And he knows

This isn’t self-hatred

This isn’t low self esteem

It is the struggle

It is the scream

Because I wear my terror on my sleeve

Perhaps that makes the most courageous of all

A coward at the edge of the cliff

But ready to fall

Because I am not scared today that I feel the horror

And I am aware that there will always be more

And this is war

I can’t accept defeat

The fear can crush and cut

But it will not kill me

Soul Searching


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

 

Soul Searching

 

Where is my world?

It is not here amongst these lonely walls

It is amongst the laughter of my so-called friends

Or is it?

Is it in the softness of a kiss?

The concentrated anger of a fist?

Where am I?

I do not recognize the black halls.

I cannot make out shapes in this dim light.

All I want is a magical somewhere,

Where I am but a solitary puzzle piece.

Not just another cool white star

Scattered in the night.

I have found so few to hold,

Yet to care is to lose control.

I want to wrap myself in the downy warmth of my beating heart

And fall into the little loopholes of my soul.

I want to grasp the handholds of severity

That inhabit my mind.

Forever never seemed so real

As when my dreams recalled the wonder

I have never felt…

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Why.


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

Why.

Cold air and breath like mist
Like a broken compass, directionless
Endless questions that will not be dismissed
I consider my freezing hands and ponder my wrists
I displace time and space, in a paradox I exist
Like Schrodinger’s cat both dead and alive
If you dare to look inside
The box is not locked
But the danger is implied
Because reality is simply
The truth you choose not to deny
Don’t think for a second you can trust your eyes
When the mute can’t keep secrets
And the blind lead the blind
Perception is our only guide
In the endless universe of our minds
And that at best is fallacy
We are lost amongst the galaxies
In a single thought there is endless potential
In a single moment chaos can become exponential
Like sparks of inspiration that fall in a glowing shower
In a second, there is power

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Paranoia


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

Paranoia

I let this house grow dark around me

I count these minutes by the songs I am listening to

Because the music makes it almost bearable

Why is it always emotion?

Why is its name so often terror or rage?

I wait for my skill to fill up the page

But anarchy is staging a coup in my brain

Racing thoughts

Determined not to be caught

Go off like gun shots

And I can’t grasp a single thing

And we wonder why

Kids are committing suicide

In this world of “mental illness”

With not a moment of stillness

It’s the prison of this palace

Or absence of life

Give me a moment…

No. Not good enough

Why do I feel like there are men with guns?

At the top of observatories

I don’t trust anything

Because I see angels as killers

With blood on their wings

And demons as…

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I’ve Got Your Back


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

At the tender age of seven I started to write about the pain

The words flowed from my pen and onto the page

And in that moment, that single moment I realized who I was

And who I was to become

Words got thrown around like “genius” and “prodigy”

But they never mattered much to me

The words I remember the most are loser and freak

I wear them proudly

Who wants to blend in and conform with this broken society?

So my rebellion grew more and more

I’m a nightmare with a metaphor

Because too many kids are terrified of what they feel

Too many monsters turned out to be real

And my past is a specter that drains my life

Always waiting for the moment to twist the knife

But for once this isn’t about me

This is about every kid who feels more than ready

To tie…

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Dreamer


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

Dreamer

 

Through a mist fuzzy greyness

I see my body from a distance

I am floating in a cool green sea of calmness

Each sensation intensified

And I am content in my thoughts

Then my mind fills with hope

An emotion for the weak

Murky memories and potential dreams

And I see through shattered eyes

That I am the dreamer.

Looking through windows watching

My head on my pillow wishing

The faithful cries of mindless loyalty

That provide a little tin god

Something to believe in

Within cold skeptical glances

and masses of faceless critisizers

Still cruel to myself I believe

My empty insides hope

My mouth silently screams

My zombie mind grins

And I

I dream

 

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There is No Never in My Mind


Iconoclastgrey Word Artist

There is No Never in my Mind

There is no never in my mind.
I have not known death
Though it knows me.
I am the grace of survival
Embodied in extremes
I am simple complexity

I know nothing of the future
Doomed as I am to feel the past
I have never understood the black and white
Only the shades of grey
Of the iconoclast
I thought I knew my world
I thought I had known every reality
But your existance leaves me searching
For the things I know
The abandonment
The fallacy

You are an enigma
Living, breathing
A secret of infinite telling
A lovers tryst of endless meeting

With no concept of your beauty
With no concept of my awe
You embody honest imperfection
Reveling in each and every flaw

You are my patient keeper
Something wonderfully unknown
You gave me what I thought only an idea

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