Letter to a Brother Part ii

I’ll admit
I was scared to believe
But You were always a brave one
Terrified but ready to fight
And now
As I see you as a human
Not on a pedestal
You’re so appreciative of your insecurity
So aware of each degeneracy
Yet you honor your attributes
Realistic
And virtuous
We watch with wet eyes
Another chance
You built this beautiful life
Brighter than a phoenix
From the ashes
Magnificent father
A loving husband
And you became those things
With no example
This is your life now
And I am in awe
Voices once quiet for you
Now cheer for you
We respect you
And dare I say
We envy you
Wonderful brother
So different from myself
You are whispers and kindness
Strength and power
You have been to hell
And said “I’ve seen worse”
You are still our puzzle pieace
And now I am so honored
That you believe in me
I cry knowing I am
A part of your family
For it is such a privilege
We who once feared for you
Revere you now
And I’m not scared to believe anymore

Shameless

You don’t believe me
Do you?
I quarrel with myself
It seems so childish
To say “this isn’t fair”
But reality is shameless
The ordeals have passed
The days when we were damned
But still the residue
Clings to us
Unseen but so deeply felt
Because we learned from those days
Lessons scrawled on a chalkboard
We struggle to write new words
With aching hands
I am unreasonable
A mirror image
Binary paradox
Was I born this way?
Formed this way?
“It doesn’t matter”
I whisper
I am this body
I am of this mind
I love
I love as if it is my breath
And yet to whimper
For all the abuse I inflict
“You’re not listening to me”
I mumble to
My own reticent ears
A process
Some progress
Then falling into the void be
I love you
In the darkness
But you don’t believe me
Do you?

An undiscovered gem

I watch as a mother runs her fingers
Through her daughter’s hair

I see as a boy finds
His quiet
Telling stories

And the way this house
Comes alive
When a father returns home

I’ve never known what family meant
But I feel like this could be it

It sparkles like
An undiscovered gem
It is glorious like
An untouched jewel

It seems as if they are lucky
But this isn’t something
As fickle as luck

This is hard work
And love
This is broken chains
And shattered cycles

This is love enough
To not repeat
The sickening echoes
Of the past

It is magic

Magic like pixie dust
And the second star on the right

It leaves me with stars in my eyes
As they speak to me
And tell me stories

Welcoming me to their fairy tale

I shake
Nervous
Never knowing how
To be a part of a family

But they welcome me as if I have no choice
So I smile

Every moment singular
Emblematic
Idiosyncratic

And I am learning lessons
About coming home

They are cinnamon and sugar
They are keyboard clicks
They are a million conversations
And quiet mornings
Of understanding

Not perfection
But perfect nonetheless
Sweet to taste
As willful as an ache

Simple and complex
I watch like an observer
I drown
Like a loved one

Everything is as it should be