Trapped in Blue


Hidden in my hood

Forgotten in my skin

A self imposed prisoner

Your words carefully placed tranverse the not insurmountble space

Space between us

Yet I do not have the hubris or the unjaded hope that you speak them for me

I comort myself half way asleep

That that sense

Of intensity and masterpiece

Is better held forever in blue that crushes vividly

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The Most Obvious Secret I Keep


I’m a catastrophe

Speaking in hyperbole

And worst of all

I want the world to listen to me

Because I can’t be

The only one who can see

I can’t be the only one

With this life sentence

Who has decided they are worthy

Of punishment

Of penance

I’m not the only one

Taking the easy way out

Because I can’t hurt others

But I can hurt myself

Someone once said to me

You wouldn’t recognize it if you saw peace

And I wouldn’t

I know passion

I know impatience

I know rage

And I know the love

That comes with a blank page

But I can’t equate

Living

With serenity

So here is another calamity

A chemical imbalance

A fallacy

Another extreme

That turns into an emergency

I beg for respite

But I will never take it

It will always be the height of ecstasy

Or the depths of despair for me

With bouts of terror in between

And sadly or perhaps not

I doubt I would change it

If I could

Don’t mistake this for unhappiness

Recognize

That it is the comfort

Of a damaged child

Who will never grow up

Mirage


I remember being a child

And walking around

The residential area

Of my small town

Immediately I thought

I don’t belong here

But even more

I never want to be here

This is not my American Dream

I grew older

And now

As I look around

All I see

Are people living

The American Nightmare

Whether that means

            Bars on your windows

Or a tendency

Towards

Anomic suicide

Someone lied

When they told us

That this was a fantasy

Come true

The American Dream

Is brain dead

It has gone so long

Without new life

That it is beyond resuscitation

We need not ask ourselves

Why?

What we should ask

Is this

Did it ever really exist?