And So We Are

Inundated with repentance
Submerged with regret
There is no
Taking back this disorder
It’s senseless
I am obscure
I refuse to come apart at the seams
There is more to life
Than oblivion
More to essence
Than the heat that courses though me
It’s not all delusion
Nor is it all reality
Cradle the surreal
Taste the dreamlike
We are but artistry
We fall to entropy
Don’t think for a instant
That we make sense
As we fall by the wayside
Into the perfect gutter
We breathe
And so we are

Ego and Other

Half asleep
Walking comatose

Trapped deep inside
Barely breathing

I am immersed
In these thoughts

Escape is fuzz
And intangible

Self reflection
In a fun house mirror

So distorted
And yet I am myself

Slamming into my own body
My mind playing tricks on itself

Splitting
Down to black and white

Spreading into
A rainbow of grey

I am sincere
Each and every observation

All an illusion
All existence

The juxtaposition
Of ego and other

Ego and other
A war and a love affair

Destiny Be Damned

Shhh
Just be quiet
There doesn’t need to be any evidence
That side of me doesn’t exist
Erase it
Ignore the stain it has left on…
Everything
I know apologies don’t fix broken promises
I know you agonize like I do
Neither of us has it easy
The choices we make
And the choices we don’t make
Are heavy with consequence
My tingling hands shake
As I write this
Guilt ridden
Near sobbing
But tears don’t nullify lies
How many amends can you stand?
How many can I make?
Before I break
Before I splinter you
Destiny be damned
Decisions are mine

I’m Tired of Being a Cynic

I’m sick of being a cynic

A sickeningly nostalgic

Positive for other people cynic

I’m exhausted with
mustering hope

I am depleted from being morose

I’ve never been one for brooding

Except…

I’m a cynic for myself

My own personal
Devil on my shoulder

And that draws my face
Into introspective hell

Worthy of a description in some teenage vampire novel

Woe is me

So woe is to the world

There is nothing special about my struggles

Except that they are mine

So I smile

The smiling pessimist

Braver than she is smart

Or she could see her way out of this endless rhythm

These pointless seasons

It’s just time
It passes

So will this witching hour
Of ghosts and regret

Everything can change

The temporary gives life meaning

So the devil on my shoulder speaks

And the smiling pessimist
Almost doesn’t listen

Misplaced

I’m the shadow
That heals with words
While I suffer in the wings

Strange and unusual
An angel
And a failure

Disoriented
On the edge of a razor

Tell me
Tell me a thousand times
That I will be strong

If not for myself
If not for the sunlight
And the mercurial night

I am tired
But still I trudge
I am weak
Tears streaming down my face

I don’t know what to do
Not for myself
Riddles are only solved.
For others

Take this with a grain of salt
Because I am misplaced

Who’s Laughing Now?

Strength like a heartbeat
Soothing
Yet somehow awful

Like a mirage
It’s all just a cruel joke
That any of us
Know what we’re doing
But who’s laughing now?

I’m overwhelmed
Drowning
Weak and dismal

But still I carry on
With a lack of choice
I listen to the wind
But it doesn’t make a sound

Place me underwater
Give me breath
Because I just want
To thrive

I’m getting further and further away

I want to sleep
I need to fall away

Trouble and trials
Who’s laughing now?

I Wish I Could Convince You

Fear like a water fall
With jagged stones
And peril

Anger
The kind that digs in
Enveloping you in agony

A past traumatic
No
That’s too gentle a word
A past that was torture
Out of control

Terrified
To find that you are loved

Scars that can’t be erased
Damage and laceration
That won’t heal

Yet still you glow
Like an effervescent butterfly
Still you are admired
You have wings

You hide
Because you don’t
Want anyone to see
Your beauty
Your devestation

Alone
Frightened
Because if they see
They will know
You’re a liar

The truth gets stuck
In your throat
You denie
Because guilt and shame
Were your building blocks

Yet someday I know
That being worthy
Will be your truth