There is fear inside of me

The monsters under my bed

Are reality

They are not tangible creatures

They are memories

But make no mistake

They still have the sharpest teeth

I feel sick

When the walls began to speak

I hide from the light

And loathe myself for being weak




The only courage I have is thrust upon me

To defend those I love

Inspires endless bravery

Because somehow I broke that cycle

I will not let someone be hurt like I was

But the devil on my shoulder

Says it will never be enough

And the angel fell silent long ago

I am the patron saint of lost causes

And he knows

This isn’t self-hatred

This isn’t low self esteem

It is the struggle

It is the scream

Because I wear my terror on my sleeve

Perhaps that makes the most courageous of all

A coward at the edge of the cliff

But ready to fall

Because I am not scared today that I feel the horror

And I am aware that there will always be more

And this is war

I can’t accept defeat

The fear can crush and cut

But it will not kill me

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