This was a year of the unexpected

Where I put more miles on my soul

And took risks that felt like falling

Staying with my friend’s family

I find some of the kindest

Most accepting people I have ever known

I felt…

At home.

As the convention came around

It was flawed

I still smiled

Two people came to my table

I called one “he”


Her friend gently corrected as they bought my book

I insisted on giving them a free book of poetry

To apologize

I signed it

You are beautiful 

The next day they told me they read

Pocketboys and loved it

We embraced

I felt…

At home.

Friends came and they were kinder than 

I expected

I saw one who was happier than I had ever seen him

We ate ice cream

I read poetry after a fiasco

I was still smiling

Gorgeous interuptions

And a bouquet of flowers

From my adoptive grandmother

My brother calls me a badass

I share every moment with my niece and nephew

Cherishing them as valuable as they are

I feel…

At home.

Waiting for my train I meet a stranger

Together we give a man

Enough money to get home

He wears a hospital bracelet and tries to give us his watch in thanks

We refuse

On I go, wearing tattered shoes

To greet family again in the form of my cousins

I am uneasy

But I wake up to a hug from my little cousin

And it’s all okay

It’s actually good

I don’t know what to do

But we talk

We bond 

I feel…

At home.

Off I go with a friend who I have known but not met

She kindly warns me 

That her car is holding two of her family

I want to curl up into a ball

There is no way they will like me

I want to hide in my hoodie

I am not made for family

I am falling

They quickly catch me

We go to the beach to see otters

We eat artichoke hearts

The day turns into night

With strong coffee

Warm conversation

And her little brother digging my style

Her son thinks I am cool

This is the kind of family

I dreamt about when I was little

I am accepted

I feel…

At home.

Off again 

A plane ride and the anxiety siezes me 

Sisters I haven’t seen in well over a decade

I will disappoint them

I know it

One of them says it feels like she just saw me last week

We have intense conversations

Like soldiers who survived a war zone

We cry together

We laugh together

It was so much more than any of us expected

I find that they were just as scared to see me

We are not meant for family

But we are family

I feel…

At home.

I leave…

I return

My fiance makes me dinner

We both agree it’s terrible

The next day I am walking

At 5 am in the warm September wind

A stranger talks to me

Explaing that his name is Stephen

With a ph

As if that is of great importance

I feel…

At home.


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